Chingonas Who Pole

So if you don’t already know I am a pole dancer!

February 2nd marks my 8 year pole-versary and in the spirit of celebrating radical women challenging stereotypes, norms, and systems of oppression I thought, why not share my pole story!

It started as a voyeuristic hobby, watching pole dance videos on youtube to pass the time while in graduate school. I was so mesmerized by the dancers and the overt sensuality expressed in their movement. I was hooked and convinced that I could easily do exactly what they were doing.

After about a year of debating, researching studios, and recruiting friends to join me, I finally decided to take a class. Interestingly enough, I found a studio in my hometown and signed up. I was so nervous heading into class, especially as I was supposed to be joined by a friend who flaked at the last minute. Looking back I am so proud of myself for moving forward alone and not waiting for others validation or approval to attend a pole class. It was good practice to prepare me for the many illustrious opinions I would face in the future.

After my first class I was committed. It was hard and nothing what I expected but I loved it. Although I was the only woman of color and curvy woman at the studio, I felt a lot of love and support from my fellow pole sisters. We all knew pole dance was taboo and not something we could share openly with others, so we formed a tight knit relationship. It would take a lot longer for me to show myself the same love and respect.

A year later I entered my first pole dance competition and won first place. It was then that I started to take my pole dance “hobby” serious. I knew I wanted to grow stronger as a dancer and performer. I knew I wanted to create my own pole dance studio and teach others.

From then on I signed up for more competitions and workshops, attended pole dance events, and even flew to Texas to participate in a pole dance instructor certification program. I met some amazing people in the pole dance community who loved my dance style and supported my hustle by inviting me to their spaces to perform and even teach. Everything was great and I was on my way to becoming a pole dance professional.

Sounds amazing right? What happened next?...Well life happens of course. During this whole time I was doing my very best to to finish graduate school and my research thesis. I pushed myself as far as I could holding down a full-time job, part-time teaching and dancing gigs, and part-time research. Time was rushing forward and I was overwhelmed, I had to make some sacrifices.

In order to prioritize my education, I quit my full-time job to return to my studies full-time. In order to pay the bills I hustled! I worked a part-time job at an arts and crafts store, I taught pole dance here and there, took on odd jobs, and even danced at a bar. It worked out for a while giving the days to focus on research and writing while my nights and weekends were spent making some good money. But eventually the grind and managing a double/triple life caught up with me. I had to let go of my pole dance training to finish school. Did I mention already that pole dance is a serious investment? By this point I had already spent thousands on classes, travel, certifications, etc, I was feeling the financial strain.

From 2013-2015, I dived into my research, which I loved! Every now and then, I would sign up for a pole dance class but was not able to dedicate myself how I wanted to until 2017. It wasn’t all terrible, during this time I had relocated to Los Angeles and landed a dream job that I threw my full self into. Once I had my footing, I finally had the time, money, and capacity to dance again.

The world had also changed dramatically during this time too! Social media had grown and visibility increased for folks of color uplifting body positivity, intersectionality, and queer identities.

Although I was always proud of my art and accomplishments, I always lacked the confidence to be able to push back against haters and my own limiting beliefs and step into my full power. This combined with generations of trauma, media body shaming, poverty left me feeling alone and unworthy. Most polers were/are middle to upper class white passing women with thin bodies. Although folks are friendly, I always felt like an outsider. Our worlds were so different.

Don’t get me wrong, there were a lot of folks that supported my journey and would show me so much love when I would post pole photos or videos. However, I also received a lot of heat and negativity. Some men would send me suggestive compliments and felt ownership of my body because, “I was putting it all out there.” Women either loved me or shamed me. I would receive private messages from conservative relatives and women in the movement. They would tell me how I shouldn’t do this, that jobs or men will judge me negatively, how I was objectifying myself, etc. A lot of this is what caused me to keep my pole life to myself, feeling like it had no place in my political life or social life.

At some point, I finally decided to stop worrying about what other folks felt or perceived me. I felt empowered in the fact that I am curvy, tall mexicana chicana who is actively fighting for the self-determination and liberation of oppressed people and yes I pole dance too. I realized that a woman like me walking around in 8 inch stilettos and booty shorts, spinning around a pole was a powerful political act. I couldn’t segment my identity anymore, it was an exhausting juggling act that did not serve me. I have to give props to the wonderful black women owned studios in Los Angeles for creating the space to grow my resilient movement spirit.

In 2018, I decided to re-commit myself to my pole goals and jumped in head first by hitting the stage again. I trained for months and competed in the Pole Sport Organization US Nationals in August 2018. The first time I competed in 2012, I was so focused on winning and gaining validation from others. This time I brought my Chingona spirit and took up all the space I could. I was in competition with myself and the challenge was to enjoy myself and be visible. The hard work paid off as I placed 4th among some seriously talented performers and built a supportive network of friends and family to cheer me on.

I am currently enrolled in a dance scholarship program with The Choreography House and have the opportunity to learn and train at one of the world’s best pole dance studios. I am just getting started y’all and look forward to sharing more of my pole dance and movement journey with you. I envision myself owning a creative movement space, making pole dance and movement more accessible for folks of all abilities, backgrounds, economic status, genders. Supporting women in their healing journey through mindset and movement work and sharing space with like minded folks around the world.

Until then, enjoy my latest competition piece from Pole Sport Organization US National in August 2018.